Here is a little insight into a world I’m certain most of you live, have lived or will live in at some point. The world of hospitality and waitressing… The only world where it has been made acceptable for stupid people to ask stupid questions and not be made to feel like the twat that they clearly are.
Sometimes when people ask me stupid questions, I do my very best to treat them like a human and not a lesser species. I answer their question with as little sarcasm as possible and I walk off and giggle to myself. Other times, I am not so polite. I have been told on lots of occasions that my eye-roll is enough to make even the most tolerant of people lose their cool. I utilize this when a customer is incredibly rude to me, incredibly stupid, or both. Generally, questions like “Does the whole fish have bones in it?”, “It says here that the banquet is for a minimum of 4 people. There are 2 of us, does that mean we can’t do it?” and “Does the swordfish come with the head still attached” are all questions that warrant a serious roll of the eyes. This is not because I am a bitch, it’s because, if you ask the above questions, you are an idiot and you deserve it. Of course the whole fish has bones in it.
Eyes also have a tendency to roll when you come into a restaurant wearing a tiny dress without panties. A trend at the moment, that I do not understand. Come on Ladies, remember back to when you learned to get dressed, underpants and THEN the rest of your outfit. Even if the rest of your outfit is basically non-existent, no-one wants to see your bits while they are eating. Eyes will continue to roll if you wear a tiny dress and then complain that you are cold. That sounds like a personal problem. Put some more clothing on.
Yelling in a restaurant, clicking, whistling or waving obnoxiously at your waitress, or any waitress are also inappropriate. Trust me, if you need something, we are doing our best to get it for you. If you need something and are rude, you are not getting it. Simple.
If your waitress comes over to your table, do not ignore her. She hasn’t come because she is interested in hearing about your day, your grand-children, your friend who is a slut or your new car. She is there to help you get food and drinks and have the best night possible. Tell her what you want and she will leave the table as soon as she has all the information she needs. Oh, and don’t call her over and then say “You know, I actually don’t know what I want.” Know what you want before you interrupt our already-spiraling-out-of-control-train-of-thought.
Last but not least. Don’t tell your waitress about how hungry you are. She has probably been at work since 5pm and wont get dinner for a while and she is running around. If you don’t want to hear her say “So am I!” don’t say anything. Its obvious that you are hungry, you came out to eat.
So there it is, my little waitress rant. I could go on for days but I wont… I’ll keep it short and sweet, just like me.
Peace and Love
* Note. This has been written by a waitress but can also be applied to Waiters.